The Begining

This weekend I drove up to Sedona and got a reading. The person who did my reading told me that I needed to write and get my thoughts out. I don't know if  she was for real or not but I have been thinking about blogging as a way of really keeping myself balanced. So I figured I would try it out see how it works. I think this might be just what I need to help deal with feelings I have held in for a long time. This could be the beginning of something or it could be nothing. I have nothing to lose so we will see where this goes. I  guess when you are starting the story you need to set the stage. So a little bit about me. I was born and raised in California. I have great parents who if I was born again I would choose the same parents because they have helped me be the person I am now. I truly appreciate all that my parents sacrificed for me. My mom taught me to appreciate all the things in life from watching the humming  birds in the morning to a smile a stranger gives you. My father taught me my work ethic. He would be up and working every day regardless of what was going on and  he was great at what he did. He loved getting up in the morning and going to work ( if he didn't love his job he fooled me until the end) . I did not grow up with a glamorous lifestyle. Growing up we were considered poor and we had to go through a lot of things. I think that has contributed to help me be who I am now as well. I see people all the time who have so much and appreciate so little. Many people nowadays feel entitled to things and I feel that takes the joy out of life. I have one sibling Nik who while 12 years younger than I is my inspiration for many things. I feel the need to be a better person so I can set a good example . Since my dad passed away. I don't have any family here in Arizona. I have limited amount of family in California. After my dad passed about a year and  a half ago his side of the family stopped communicating with me. That is their choice and their loss ( my dad didn't even like them all anyways) . I miss my dad terribly. I miss his comfort , his smile and the special bond we had. I think with him passing  my life and what I have evolved into changed completely. I miss him so much every day. It is a struggle for me to even type about him without tears.  His 55th birthday was 5 days ago and it was a struggle to make it through that day. There are times when I get jealous of people because they have the chance to find comfort in their fathers arms. I would  give up lots of things just to have one more hug, one more smile, one more corny joke. It hurts to think that when I get married he won't be there to walk me down the isle. Yes he is in a much better place now and I know he still hears me and is by my side but knowing this does not make the loss any easier. I have gone through so many emotions and so much confusion in trying to cope with this loss. This i think is mainly the reason for me starting this blog.